Picking At The Edges
by Leni
Summary: Snapshots about and around Meredith and Derek. Prompts from 100moods LJ community.
1. 001 005

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Dedicated to Lucey, for her birthday.

Spoilers all over the place, up to S4 Finale ('Freedom'). Prompts taken from 100mood (LJ community)

* * *

**PICKING AT THE EDGES  
**_by Leni_

* * *

**001. Accomplished. **_**(S4. Finale)**_

Meredith Grey was crazy.

She knew it as she closed the door to Derek's trailer behind her and rushed to her car. People driving on the same road knew it as she sped past them. Three clerks in three different stores knew it as she left, arms loaded with all the candles in storage.

Her new definition for 'crazy' was here and now, mapping out an imaginary house in her ex-boyfriend's land. One hour, one hundred ninety-two burning candles and a minor nervous breakdown later, Meredith smiled at her handiwork.

After all, Derek had always liked her brand of crazy.

* * *

**002. Amused. **_**(S3)**_

"Hey, Karev."

Alex didn't especially dislike Dr. Sloan, but neither did he _like_ the man. He turned around to face the plastic surgeon, expression somewhere between annoyance and impatience at the interruption. "Yes?"

Sloan nodded into the patient's room before them. Inside, Meredith was recounting the risks of neurosurgery to a nervous couple. Meanwhile Dr. Shepherd tried to look focused - much unsuccessfully, since his eyes kept straying to his on-again girlfriend. "Derek's never been good at self-denial," Sloan mused aloud, amused. "Fifty dollars say Dr. Grey loses her panties before lunch."

Alex snorted. "Who says she's got them on now?"

* * *

**003. Angry. **_**(S4)**_

Dr. Erica Hahn entered the Emerald City Bar and rolled her shoulders as if to relieve a weight she hadn't noticed until she'd stepped outside the hospital building. Work at the hospital had been colder somehow, silent and efficient in a way Erica was not sure she approved of. So… mechanical. "Something was off today," she commented as she noticed some of the surgical residents at the bar. Small talk wasn't her preference, but she suddenly realized she'd barely exchanged words with anybody at work.

"Always gives me the shivers," Stevens agreed. "I was a minute away from a migraine - let's not go home tonight?"

O'Malley looked just as stressed. He nodded.

"Cowards," Yang said from her seat.

"Prudent," he corrected and motioned the bartender to refill his drink. "You'd think long exposure would diminish the effect," he added with a headshake. Stevens, and even Yang, sighed in response. "You wish," the blonde muttered.

"Long exposure to what?" There was a small, surprised, silence between the friends. Erica was surprised when three small pitying smiles answered. "Well?" she insisted.

"Newbie." Yang looked thrilled at the opportunity to know something the Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery did not. Not unexpectedly, she didn't expand on her answer. "You probably wouldn't believe it anyway."

"Webber's _actually_ stepping down this year?" she guessed. Dr. Webber was well-liked, losing him would account for the unusual atmosphere at Seattle Grace.

"Will he ever?" Yang seemed amused by the idea. But she didn't offer a straight answer.

Before Erica could say how she didn't appreciate being toyed with, a comment which would have surely widened the chasm between her and Dr. Yang, O'Malley stepped in. "The reason everyone's been quiet today… well… Dr. Shepherd planned to take Meredith out for the weekend; but she said that - Um." He stopped when Yang, Dr Grey's best friend if Erica had read it right, glared at him.

"It was a McFight, okay?" Yang finally admitted.

Erica wondered if they were serious.

When Steven's toast ("And may it blow over soon.") was echoed by two equally hopeful voices, Erica had her answer.

* * *

**004. Annoyed. **_**(S1)**_

For a second, Derek thought that his girlfriend's snoring had woken him up again. It was not so. For starters, the space beside him was empty and Meredith's barely lowered voice filtered through the remnants of his dreams. "I can't _believe_ it," she repeated once and again, obviously agitated.

Derek sat up, intending to determine the problem and talk her out of whatever drastic measure she'd talked herself into taking. Meredith was sitting at the edge of the bed, still in her underwear, using one of his T-shirts to brush at a wine-red fabric. Her blouse, if he remembered it right. Meredith should definitely wear that color more often. "Good morning, Mer."

The look she gave him was anything but 'good'. "Doesn't Doc have any boundaries?" she asked caustically as she brushed her blouse harder. "There's dog hair all over it and it's too late to go home to change."

It was amusing to see her like that. Lacy lavender underwear and the most annoyed frown in history on her face. "What do you expect, when you leave them on the floor?" he said reasonably. As if reason had ever worked on her.

"I can't go to a hospital with dog hair all over me," she almost-whined, and with an exasperated sigh threw his T-shirt back into his closet and resorted to picking every hair with her fingers. Three seconds later - two more than what Derek had anticipated - she pursed her lips and, eyes still fixated on the guilty light-brown hairs, told him that it was his fault.

Derek shook his head at that and finally got out of the bed. He pulled out a perfectly clean set of underwear, trousers and shirt. "I don't think these will fit you?"

"Don't be cute," she said warningly.

He pulled on his clothes, following her progress from the corner of his eye. He knew the obvious path to follow, but he needed to find the exact timing and phrasing to present it to her. "I'll be McHairy today - Cristina has the eyes of a hawk," she was complaining as she gave her blouse an accusing look. "I knew that spending the night was a bad idea."

Forget exact timing. This was now about distracting her before that idea took root. "You could keep a change of clothes here. There's enough space," and he opened an empty drawer to demonstrate. He had two seconds to school his expression and channel the anxious feeling into a complicated knot of his tie. Two seconds where his words sunk in and Meredith lowered the blouse to stare at him. "I promise, Doc doesn't fit in one of those," he said as lightly as he could, nodding to the drawer.

Slowly, Meredith turned her gaze to it, at the same time shrugging into her blouse without any apparent memory of dog hair. "I…." Her brow creased. "That's…."

Derek could practically see her rabbiting her commitment-phobic self out of his trailer and his life. He closed the drawer, a little more forcefully than he'd intended, and told himself he didn't feel guilty at trying to push their relationship in the right direction - or _any_ direction, for that matter. "Gimme," he said, reaching out. Still wide-eyed and speechless, Meredith shrugged out of her blouse again and put it in his hand. "I'm sure it was somewhere…" He started looking through an almost forgotten corner of his closet. "Ha!" He took out a brush and with a few strokes freed the wine-red material from the worse patches of curly hair.

"Thank you," Meredith murmured as she exchanged the blouse for her denim pants. She didn't mention his offer as they had breakfast, and neither did Derek as he drove her to the hospital.

Two months later Addison looked delighted at finding empty space for her clothes, and Derek couldn't think of a single good reason to deny it to her.

* * *

**005. Anxious. **_**(S3)**_

It had seemed a good idea at the time. Even her subconscious had agreed, feeding her the most entreating images of her, Derek and Finn in the same bed. Obviously, her subconscious was a shameless hussy with no idea of how the real world worked.

Meredith glared as her phone started ringing. It'd be one of them, trying to one-upmanship the other. In the last weeks, she'd been dined and wined like never before, not even when she'd dated either man exclusively.

Casual dating? Overrated and so very stressful. "I'm not home," she groaned miserably.

But the phone kept ringing.

* * *

_Feedback is love!_


	2. 006 010

_Dedicated to Lucey, for her birthday._

_Spoilers all over the place, up to S4 Finale ('Freedom'). Prompts taken from 100mood (LJ community)_

_Sorry about the continuity error in_ 004. Annoyed_. I only started watching the show by the end of S2, so I'm fuzzy about the beginning of it. Many thanks to starvingstudent for pointing it out. :) I'll try to think of some way to go around it._

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**PICKING AT THE EDGES  
02/20****  
**_by Leni_

* * *

**006. Apathetic. **_**(S2)**_

She could see them over Cristina's shoulder. Standing so close together, obviously focused only on each other's words. They both carried patient files, but Meredith doubted they were consulting on a case. How many pregnant women or newborns needed brain surgery?

"Are you even listening?" Cristina sounded ticked off.

Meredith blinked. "Burke. Stubborn. Bad Burke," she recited. Lately, Cristina's problems boiled down to one.

Cristina nodded, satisfied. "I told him I won't care about his tantrums anymore."

A last smile and each went their own way. "Right. Not caring." Derek didn't once look in her direction. "Not caring is good."

* * *

**007. Aroused. (S4)**

Rose smiled at him as they crossed ways, fresh-faced and obviously well-rested from a good night's sleep - at her own place.

"So, nursey there still immune to the Shepherd charm?"

Derek ignored Mark's comment.

"That's a yes," his not-quite-friend noted. "Unless there's something wrong with you instead?" Mark's eyebrow shot up at something in Derek's expression. "There isn't, is there?"

"Of course not." Except there was. Because he'd only smiled back at Rose, not one twinge of arousal in his reaction. But an hour ago the sight of a bedraggled Meredith at the clinic, bloodshot eyes and hair in a messy ponytail after a night shift, had near paralyzed him. "Nothing's wrong." Experience told him that denial never went far where Meredith was concerned. It didn't stop him from trying. "Nothing at all." And before Mark could voice his disbelief, Derek called Dr. Webber over and effectively ended their conversation.

* * *

**008. Awake. **_**(post S4)**_

Something poked her shoulder, drawing her from the warm cocoon of her dreams. She opened her eyes under protest, and frowned when Alex's face greeted her. "Uh?" was her intelligent remark. She was fairly sure she'd done nothing last night that warranted Alex's presence in her bedroom first thing in the morning.

"Meredith. Wake up, now!"

Izzie's voice calmed her, and she felt no compunction about furrowing back into her covers. "It's my free day. Go'way."

"Yeah. Tell that to Shepherd," Alex sounded annoyed. "Seriously, do tell him. Booty calls at four in the morning? Please."

"Four?" That rang a bell… far down the valley of her consciousness. Something about a walk through the woods… seeing the changes spring brought… being too happy to deny him anything…. That was when the covers were pulled off her. Someone else picked her by the armpits and sat her up on the bed. When she opened her eyes again, it was to find Izzie's pinched expression.

The blonde was wringing one of her sheets between her hands. "He's been knocking and knocking and _knocking_," she said tiredly, "and if you don't go downstairs and do whatever you told him you'd do, _I_ will do it for you."

Meredith frowned. Behind her, hands still holding her up, Alex snickered. "Cranky Izzie," he laughed. "I like that." And he winked at her.

Izzie rolled her eyes, but didn't protest further.

Meredith looked between them. It was too early for underlying sexual tension. "Ew." She shook her head and stood to her feet. Then yawned. She was supposed to enjoy this? Derek couldn't possible know her this little. "Beauty of nature my ass." She yawned again, even more widely, and forced herself to look for the coat she'd thrown onto a chair last night. "I'm going!" she yelled as the knocking started again, draping the coat over her shoulders. "What's the rush, anyway?"

"He's been there for - " Alex glanced at the clock at her bedside. "twenty minutes."

"Would it kill him to wait for another second?" she wondered aloud as the noise escalated, pulling up her pants.

Izzie had decided that there was no need for her to remain awake and laid on the nearest bed. "Yes, kill'm." She spread Meredith's covers over herself and snuggled into the mattress. "Now lemme sleep," she mumbled as she covered her head. Alex lifted a corner of his lips at the sight, glancing at the empty side of the bed with a speculative look.

Meredith raised her eyebrow. "Don't." She finished tying her shoes and met his glare with one of her own. Alex opened his mouth.… "Really. _Don't._" Alex shrugged gamely and started for the door. Meredith followed him, hiding another yawn behind her hand.

She'd been dragged out of her bed at four o'clock (well, almost), unwillingly sat first row to her housemates' mating rituals and now was expected to walk for miles to admire the spring.

Spring better have something worthwhile to offer in return.

* * *

**009. Blank. _(S2)_**

"Her condition didn't develop for so long that we thought…. We were hoping for a miracle, I guess. And then she fainted."

Mrs. Julia Millar had been his patient five years ago, when they'd discovered an inoperable tumor nudged against the frontal lobe. Half an hour ago Michael Millar had walked up to him, announcing that they'd decided to transfer his wife to Seattle Grace. "Because you're still the best in your field," he'd said.

Derek wished that they had called him in for consult from New York. A change of atmosphere would be perfect. No Meredith avoiding him while her friends formed a wall around her. No Addison seeking him out at every chance, bringing memories from what he'd believed to be a successful marriage.

"So what do you think, Dr. Shepherd?"

His patient's husband had been talking for a good while, Derek realized, while he'd been musing on his own situation. "I…." Just then, Meredith passed by, chatting with O'Malley and pointedly not turning around and looking through his window like she'd have done not three days ago.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked at the man on the other side of his desk, mind at a blank. Mr. Millar was looking at him expectantly. "You did the best under the circumstances. Julia knows that." A common enough platitude.

Mr. Millar nodded. "I just wish…" he started tiredly.

"I know." Derek's voice was just as despondent. And he did know. Because if wishes were horses, Meredith would have turned around.

* * *

**010. Bored. _(S4)_**

"See?" George's grin was a little too eager. "This is just what the three of us needed."

Izzie nodded. Again, she seemed too happy for someone who was behind in the Monopoly game.

Meredith gave them a smile, feeling that she was mostly humoring them, and cast her dice. An ace and a five would have taken her wagon into jail. She advanced seven places instead and landed safely on Third Street.

Not one protest. Meredith forced out another cheery smile and excused herself to go for a drink - she needed it. As she'd suspected, the only reason George and Izzie had pulled her into their board games evening, was to have an excuse not to test the chemistry - or lack thereof - between them. She pulled out her cell phone, and two minutes later passed beer cans to her thankful housemates. They looked like they needed it.

Twenty minutes later, a confused Derek rang the door. Meredith practically leapt across the board to answer the door. "Are you okay?" he asked, checking her for any visible injury.

She nodded, but didn't answer verbally. Instead, "Oh, Derek. Do you _really_ need me to go with you?" she said as loudly as she could.

He frowned, even deeper when she put a finger against his lips to stop his questions.

"Okay, then," she continued, then poked her head back into the house and shrugged at the couple. "Sorry, guys. Derek needs a last minute date."

"No!"

Izzie looked up at George's raised voice. But more than surprised she looked panicky at the prospect of staying on their own.

"I mean…." George's expression betrayed his nervousness. "Why doesn't your boyfriend join us? We can have teams!"

"Yay, teams!" Izzie enthused, giving her an almost imploring look.

Meredith was kept from answering when familiar arms wrapped around her. "Maybe another time," Derek told the couple in her living room, giving them an apologetic smile and pulling her towards the door - or, as Meredith preferred to think of it at the moment, towards salvation.

"My hero," she grinned when they were in his car. "I love them, I do. But they are driving me crazy."

"That's what they get for mixing friends and lovers," Derek said as he turned to the right to take the highway. "Promise you'll never be friendly to me, Mer."

"Not that it worked when we tried," she laughed.

"Exactly."

As they parked before his trailer, Meredith stopped him before he opened his door. "Thanks for coming to my rescue."

He opened the glove compartment and took out his cell phone. Flipping it open, he showed her the last message he'd received. AT HOME. SAVE ME "How could I not?"

* * *

_I have 22 of these at my LJ. I'm just VERY bad about remembering to post at ff . net. See you soon! and remember, __**Feedback is love!**_


	3. 011 015

_Dedicated to Lucey, for her birthday._

_Spoilers all over the place, up to S4 Finale ('Freedom'). Prompts taken from 100mood (LJ community)._

_Thank you for the reviews AND the emails. You're so sweet! :)_

* * *

**PICKING AT THE EDGES  
03/20****  
**_by Leni_

* * *

**011. Bouncy. _(S3)_**

Cristina stopped reading for a moment and glared at her best friend. "I don't think I can like you anymore."

Meredith was so surprised she lost her place in the book. "What?"

"You're tapping your foot against the table's leg. Loudly." She stopped so that Meredith could notice the distracting noise. "And is that 'Happy Days'?"

"Of course not," Meredith lied and stopped sheepishly, crossing her legs to hinder her betraying limbs.

But Cristina still wasn't satisfied. "You're grinning, too."

"I am?"

Her friend raised an eyebrow. "Any moment now you'll break into song," she said, with that no-nonsense attitude that was characteristic of her.

"Maybe because I'm happy?"

"We're studying an extremely rare surgery that is the last hope for a widower father of four," Cristina said. "We shouldn't be happy."

Meredith frowned. "You never care about the patient's family situation," she accused. "In fact, bet you're happy that you get to scrub in."

"But _you_ care," came the retort. "So stop celebrating that your boyfriend finally got divorced and act accordingly."

"You are mean sometimes," Meredith noted.

Cristina pointedly didn't stop reading. "At least I won't be smiling like a loon while I open a man's chest."

"I wouldn't!" Not even Meredith herself believed that. The last few days had been the closest thing to perfection in the saga of her and Derek's relationship. No more Mrs. Montgomery-Shepherd in the world. No more self-nagging about having become another dirty mistress in that marriage. "We'll be wearing masks, right?"

* * *

**012. Broken. _(S4)_**

Alcohol and Mark, a combination he'd never learned to avoid. But two hours later, comfortably lounging in front of his trailer and thoughts cushioned in scotch, Derek felt as relaxed as he hadn't been for weeks. At least the Chief had an all-night shift, he thought. Wouldn't want the boss to witness this.

"Matruzka dolls?" Mark laughed at his last remark. "Like a Russian toy?" He shook the almost empty bottle in a wordless offer.

"Exactly." Derek put his hand over his glass. Mark shrugged and poured the remaining scotch into his own glass. "One woman inside the first one, and another and another…." He sounded almost wistful, he realized, and tried to harden his voice for his next sentence. "Kind of broken, most of them."

"Like attracts to like."

Always pointing out the understated, that was Mark Sloan. "Yeah, well. Hard not to fall for the first one, and impossible not to want to protect all the others once you were there."

Mark shook his head at his friend's expression. "You know you're sending your ex to the Psych ward with that, right?"

"Maybe I should sign up myself," he sighed, taking the bottle absently and frowning when no liquid came out. "Or not. Because I'm with a one-self woman now. No dolls, no breaks, no -"

"No surprises?" Mark filled in, fishing in the cooler for their second bottle. "Bo-o-ring. I don't even _feel_ like making a pass at your new girlfriend."

Derek chuckled at that. "Maybe Rose really is my perfect woman." He put his glass between them so that the other man could fill it. Nothing happened. He turned and saw the sympathetic expression in Mark's face. 'No, she isn't,' it seemed to say. Derek scowled and seized the bottle by its neck. "Shut up, Mark."

* * *

**013. Calm. _(S3)_**

Too pale. Too tired. Meredith looked exhausted even as she slept, and if someone had handed him a mirror, Derek knew his reflection wouldn't be in better shape. The ferryboat disaster, the hours on edge as he'd been banned from Meredith's room and Ellis Grey's death, as if the first two weren't enough for one day.

He resisted the urge to caress her hair, afraid she'd wake up before she absolutely needed to. They'd find their way through this, like they always had.

And if this was the calm before the storm, he convinced himself has was ready for it.

* * *

**014. Cheerful. _(S3)_**

"Why Dr. Shepherd." Meredith pretended to be scandalized as she returned his hand to the top of her jacket. "I'll have you know I never put out in the first date," she told him as seriously as she could.

Derek raised one eyebrow in obvious skepticism. "That so?" He laughed. "Then we should've had this discussion a year ago." His thumb traced lazily the inch of bare skin between her neck and her T-shirt. "I believe this is number thirty-three, or is it thirty-two? I'm never sure whether to count our first meeting."

"That was no date!"

"I bought you a drink," he reminded her, "which I think was your only dinner, and then I drove you home. Looks like a date from where I'm standing."

"Then you should stand somewhere else." Meredith smiled happily. After all these months of jealousy, misunderstandings and bitterness, she'd almost forgotten that he had a playful side. "I'm pretty sure dates are on first-name basis."

"You got mine right," he retorted without missing a beat. "Called me 'God' all through the night."

Meredith knew she was blushing. "I can't believe you actually said that," she told him, shaking her head at his audacity. A part of her knew she should be offended - the rest laughed at the idea. "But I do remember you saying we should start from scratch. Hence, no sex on the first date."

"I should have my brain checked, saying things like that," Derek muttered, but his other hand ran invitingly up her arm and settled to knead her shoulder.

"You poor baby." She leaned into his touch blissfully. Even when she'd been juggling him and Finn, she'd missed this. Derek had been all attitude in front of his rival, but once left alone he'd been uncharacteristically distant. Still charming but, as she'd bluntly put it to both of them, he hadn't even tried to feel her up. Not at all this man vying to spend the night in her bed, Meredith thought happily as she reached up to stroke his hair. "But you're in luck," she grinned. "They say my boyfriend is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country."

He pouted. "Only one of?"

"_The_ best," she corrected.

"That's good luck indeed."

Meredith nodded solemnly.

"Does he get first date privileges for being so good?" That got him a laugh, which he proceeded to kiss away. "Does he?" he murmured seconds later, abandoning her lips to start kissing down her chin. Meredith shook her head even as she tilted her head up. He obliged by following the line of her throat.

"N-no." Hands at his shoulders, she pushed him one step back. Her eyes betrayed her arousal, but when Derek tried to come into her personal space again, she backed away. Their eyes met - his, confused, while hers looked away quickly afterwards. "You were the one who asked for space, Derek. You wanted to be alone and then took half the hospital on a camping trip -" She looked at him accusingly "- and didn't bother to call me!"

"I didn't 'take' them," he knew he was defending the wrong accusation. He put his hand to his forehead and rubbed it impatiently. Was she punishing him for his indecision? He had needed the time for himself, after Addison's confession regarding Mark, after the Chief accepted Mark as an attending, after his own sister came to judge his life without bothering to check the story with him first. "I went straight to you when I returned," he reminded her.

"Yes," she said quietly. "And we started over. First date, Derek, not thirty-anything." He looked annoyed, whether at her or at himself (or both?) was the unknown. Silence settled and stretched wide between them, and both had always been too stubborn to stop it. Meredith didn't know what'd happen if they broke into one of their fights, but she was sure she'd regret it come morning.

Finally he sighed. "Guess I should start planning tomorrow's date."

"So soon?" So surprised at his capitulation, she didn't realize the absurdity of her question until she saw his expression.

Derek shrugged unapologetically and bent to kiss her hairline. "Not soon enough, Meredith. Not nearly."

* * *

**015. Chipper. _(S1)_**

"Huh."

Izzie's voice startled the man at the kitchen table, making him lose his grasp on his snack - before he caught it with his other hand. "Dr. Stevens," he greeted her.

"Dr. Shepherd." Izzie stood frozen at the door. She had the Head of Neurosurgery in her kitchen, eating one of the muffins she'd been saving for herself. Clad only in his boxers. And she, in a bathrobe and nothing else. "I… am leaving." She stepped back, but couldn't resist poking her head back in. "Meredith does not get jealous easily, does she?" She reddened even as she said the words.

"Not that I've noticed." He didn't look the least uncomfortable at the awkward situation.

"Good," she said, mostly to herself. "That's good." It wouldn't do to get into her housemate's bad side. Especially when she hadn't even been ogling at said housemate's new boyfriend - no, not at all. "I just came for…" For what? "Milk! For warm milk, because I couldn't sleep. I tried a hot shower first, because that usually helps and… shouldn't you be asleep, too?"

He shrugged. The man had nice shoulders. Really nice. "Something woke me up," he said.

Izzie reminded herself that she should not ogle as she moved to the fridge. If half-clothed encounters with his girlfriend's friends didn't faze him, why should she be bothered? "Meredith snores like a freight train, huh?" she joked.

He frowned at her.

"Kidding!" Note to self: Dr. Shepherd was protective. She took out the milk carton and opened the closest cabinet to take out one mug. Her hand hovered over a second one. "Do you want some?" she offered.

"No, thank you."

They were silent as she put the mug in the microwave. He didn't make any overture, pinching the pastry in his hand and putting the bits in his mouth. "I baked that muffin," she blurted out. She'd never been good at keeping quiet, and now her conversational skills definitely needed some polishing.

He looked impressed. "It's really good," and took a good-sized bite to show his appreciation.

"Yeah, they seem to be everyone's favorite." Izzie smiled. "I had to hide a couple of them yesterday before George could see them." Too late, she realized she'd basically accused him of stealing into her supply. "Not that I don't like sharing. It's for George's own good, really. He'll thank me when he sees his pants still fit."

"Then I'll be careful with them," he said, obviously amused.

She took a swig before she said something silly like 'You don't need to be careful.' "I'll go to bed now," she announced, rinsing her glass under the faucet. "Hope you didn't mind the company."

"You are the one who lives here, Dr. Stevens."

"Izzie," she corrected automatically. He nodded, but she knew he wouldn't use her given name. There was always a distance between attending doctors and interns, one she felt would have never been breached if Meredith hadn't met the neurosurgeon as she had. "See you at the hospital."

He lifted the almost-finished muffin to her in silent goodbye.

Izzie was already feeling sleepy by the time she opened her bedroom door. Encounter of the first kind with McDreamy…. She giggled as she burrowed her face into her pillow. Definitely the best way to start her day.

* * *

_More to come... soon (hopefully!)_


	4. 016 020

_Dedicated to Lucey, for her birthday._

_Spoilers all over the place, up to S4 Finale ('Freedom'). Prompts taken from 100mood (LJ community)._

* * *

**PICKING AT THE EDGES  
04/20****  
**_by Leni_

* * *

**011. Cold. _(S3)_**

The Gynecology department had been fond of Derek's ex wife. If Meredith had ever doubted it, three obstetricians glaring at her from the next table was enough proof. "Yeah. That's her," she heard one of them whisper.

Meredith fiddled with her sandwich, reminding herself that she didn't need to be ashamed.

"Hello, gorgeous." Derek put his tray in front of hers and sat down. "Sorry about being late. Paperwork is evil."

"It's okay." She put the condemnatory trio out of her mind. "I can wait. Cristina, on the other hand, would have my head if meeting me distracted you from preparing her precious surgery. She's not good at waiting."

He laughed. "Even when it's not cardio?"

Meredith shrugged. "She doesn't discriminate on cutting edge procedures."

"I guess I should be flattered." Derek gave her a quick smile and then started picking out the carrots from his salad. "You coming by tonight?" he asked, almost offhandedly, eyes still on an evasive piece of carrot hiding between lettuce leaves.

She knew better than to believe his blasé attitude. The more he acted like he didn't care, the more important her answer was. It'd taken her too long; but she was more than a little proud for finally having figured that out on her own. "Won't you be exhausted?"

"More reason for you to be there." He reached out across the table to grasp her hand.

Three chairs scraped the floor in unison, and Addison's ex colleagues stood up in eerie synchronization. One of them even looked at their twined hands and raised an eyebrow reproachfully. Bitch.

"What's wrong?" Always perceptive of the changes in her mood, Derek looked around. The outdoors cafeteria looked as it did at every lunch hour, and three doctors leaving didn't raise any suspicions. "You okay?" he focused back on her. Then, misinterpreting her expression. "If you're busy tonight…."

"No." She put the incident to the back of her head. There would always be people giving her the cold shoulder. Addison's arrival had spread the rumors far and wide, Derek deciding to give their marriage another try had poured gasoline on the fire, and no signature on divorce papers would stop it. "Tonight is good," she told him. Derek sought her out publicly, he was holding her hand before the whole hospital - how was that for gossip fodder? "In fact," she added with a smile, "tonight is perfect."

* * *

**017. Confused. _(S4)_**

The door being slammed closed didn't bother George. Years living with Izzie and Meredith had given him an unusual insight into the female mind: the more anger expressed physically, the less screaming at the nearest male available.

"So my sister is a home-wreaking slut?"

George dropped the fork mid-bite and turned to face his incoming roommate with an appalled expression. "Meredith what?"

"And she's always so highhanded." Lexie fumed as she rummaged in the fridge for her dinner. "Apparently the do's and don't's of the oldest Grey don't include respecting someone else's marriage vows. No wonder her family values are so askew."

"Lexie. What are you talking about?"

"I mean, I knew that Dr. Shepherd was divorced. Every female in Seattle seems to know _that_." She closed the fridge violently. "But my own sister driving his wife away from the hospital?"

George choked at the idea of anyone driving Dr. Montgomery away from anywhere against her will.

"And then she pretends to have the moral high ground - ha!" Lexie finally jerked a cabinet door open and snatched one packet of cookies. "I can't believe I actually tried so hard to be her friend. I let her treat me like trash, for what? And all this time she was only a -"

A hand on each shoulder stopped her tirade. "Meredith is _not_ a slut." His own dinner forgotten, George glared at her. "Where have you heard all that drivel?"

The rare display of temper in her new friend gave Lexie some pause. "Betting pool."

"There's a…?" He loosened her and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hard.

She nodded. "They wanted my opinion on how long it'd take before Shepherd and Meredith got back together, _again_ - and there was a side bet on whether his new girlfriend would quit when it happened."

For a moment, George was tempted to laugh. Then he thought of Dr. Shepherd's reaction if he found out, or worse yet, Meredith's. That sobered him up. " And you let gossip-hungry nurses tell you the story instead of coming to me?"

Lexie flushed. She obviously hadn't thought of that. "You're saying it's not true?"

"I'm saying you don't have half the necessary information to understand the truth."

"So you'll tell me?"

"I…" George paused. Maybe because her love life had become a public rollercoaster, Meredith was fiercely protective of its details. If he told Lexie and Meredith found out… At best, it'd be a week before she spoke to him again. But then, he also knew that Meredith wouldn't want her sister to think the worst of her. He finally sighed and motioned Lexie to sit at the table. "It started on our first day as interns…."

* * *

**018. Content. _(S1)_**

In the weeks after he met Meredith Grey, Derek realized that he'd grown used to Addison's sense of humor and that he was lost trying to follow Meredith's. Talking her into an official date had exhausted him; but he wasn't lost when she glanced at him at her doorstep, silently asking for a kiss. That should be enough.

Meredith found him after he lost his first patient in Seattle, and wordlessly led him home. Addison would have never chosen to watch a comedy after a stressful day. But the feeling of a woman's head against his shoulder, her hair tickling his chin when she laughed at the TV, was familiar enough.

Three weeks later he dedicated a whole night to committing his new girlfriend to memory, mapping out each inch of skin, shaping his hands to fit precisely around her. Never again would he expect a deep curve where there was nothing, or a heart-shaped mole on unblemished skin. Overriding the memories of Addison with Meredith, would that be enough?

Five days ago he and Meredith had coincided in the same elevator ride. He had smiled at her in greeting, not knowing that a second after the doors closed her arms would be around him and she'd pull him into a kiss - that he'd forget all about professional behavior at one's workplace. He'd think fleetingly that he and Addison had never dared anything above quick pecks at the hospital, that they'd never learned such abandon could be shared in the thirty seconds of an elevator ride. And he'd also thought, almost despairingly as their ride slowed and Meredith pushed away to straighten her scrubs, that he'd never have enough of this.

Today he'd walked into his bedroom and found Meredith profoundly asleep on his bed. Derek had stood at the doorway and watched her silently, trying to pinpoint what made the sight so different from the dozens of time he'd seen it before. Hours later he found his answer: not once had he compared her to his wife; he hadn't even considered anything but the gentlest method to wake her up before they were both late.

He smiled now at the memory. He'd call his lawyer, tell him to draft divorce papers. Right now he didn't even care if Addison kept all their New York property; she and NY were his past. The one thing he wanted, the only one, was freedom to pursue Meredith with a clear conscience.

"Earth to Derek?" Meredith said from the shotgun seat. "If your thoughts aren't life-or-death, I wouldn't mind you focusing on the road."

"Close enough," he laughed.

She looked at him quizzically, but he looked too happy to question him about it.

* * *

**019. Cranky. _(S3)_**

"Wow. It sure feels frosty around here," he told Burke as their girlfriends marched past them without so much as a greeting.

His fellow surgeon shrugged, but the set of his mouth showed obvious displeasure.

Derek turned around, and saw that Meredith and Cristina were sending killer glares in their direction. Women, he thought as he followed Burke into the lounge room, should wear warning labels. "So, is it you or me at the doghouse?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Burke opened his locker, took off his lucky cap and stuck it inside. "Cristina and I are _fine_." The metal door slammed closed.

"I have trouble believing that," Derek decided. "Besides, I have a jail-free pass today. Meredith woke up in a good mood - which turned better in the following minutes…."

"Spare me," Burke growled.

Derek chuckled. "Point is, I'm not the one about to be besieged by the Furies. What'd you do, Preston?"

"None of your business."

Wrong assumption. Cristina was Meredith's best friend, which meant that sooner or later whatever bothered her would intrude in his own life. "Just promise me you won't let you girlfriend's 'fine' mood grow enough to infect mine."

Burke just glared.

* * *

**020. Crazy. _(S4. Finale)_**

He almost laughed at himself for having ever believed it could end somewhere else than here. A delusion, nothing more. A foolish attempt to erase what the last months had beaten into him: Neither reason, nor logic, nor common sense had any place between him and Meredith. This was the final proof, with Meredith standing not at her house, not in the hospital, not even at Joe's, but in the last place he had thought to search for her.

And she was smiling at him.

For the first time Derek was actually thankful for the unending loop that was their relationship, because for the first time he acknowledged that they weren't prisoners in it, not really. Time and again they had tested the boundaries, and time and again they'd been pushed back into this moment, and they'd willingly gone along with it.

Kissing her, nameless and mysterious, in a new city. Kissing her where the whole hospital could see them. Kissing her for a goodbye, for an apology, and for a thousand reasons he couldn't remember right now.

It had always been her.

_'You are really here,'_ he thought as he approached her, as if anyone else would light dozens of candles in the open and forget it was raining season. She answered with a reproach, and he thought he should be reproached for almost missing this moment. It was perfect, wasn't it? And if it wasn't, he didn't want to be corrected. Meanwhile Meredith kept stealing glances at him as she explained the layout, as if still unsure of his reaction.

He had never been more convinced than now, as she assured him that it was what she wanted, too.

He laughed this time, loud and joyful, and she looked as happy as he felt. "I'll come back", he promised. Derek Shepherd never did the same mistake twice; this time he'd cut all ties before coming for her. "Wait right here."

A champagne bottle rescued from the trashcan, a veritable fire hazard in his backyard. A couple of loons, that's who they were.

God, how had he missed her.

* * *

_Leni's note: I'd love to hear your thoughts._


End file.
